11 months since MJ died

Today is the 11th month of MJ's passing. My how time flies. I still can't believe he is no longer living. Sometimes I forget, especially when I’m looking at his artistry and his finesse on stage while looking at a live performance or a video. And then when it's over, that’s when the moment hits me and I realize he is gone... and all I have are memories. I feel so helpless cause all I can do is hit Play Selection again and again and again. I'll never get to see him do another live interview. I remember him telling Geraldo, “I have rhinosaurus skin.” But he didn’t. I'll never get to see him go up on stage and accept another award-- he loved awards! Did u see how he smiled when he got an award? I love his smile; I love when he was happy. I'll never get to see him perform my favorite song, Give Into Me live, not that he would of performed THAT song, but a girl can hope. The truth of the matter is, I would have taken a live performance of any song. My hair stylist and I were talking about the London shows in April 2009 and I told her, "If he comes to the US, I'm there." But I'll be damn, two months later he was dead. That's when the bottom fell out… the bottom of my heart. How could this be? Michael Jackson had always been a part of my life, from the time as a little child, I watched him perform on Soul Train, thru college until now. I've always felt a kinship to him and now what do I do? His death left a hole in my heart and I wondered how I would repair this hole. Talking about it, writing about it, yeah that’s it. So I joined forums, commented on articles and typed on blogs. So now I’m here and it's month 11. The hole has healed a little but I’ve concluded that the wound will never fully close. No type of surgery, no patch, no substitute... nothing will do. This hole in my heart for Michael will probably always be there. I know that leaves me open for infection with bouts of tears and sadness when I think about him but that’s OK. I will always love Michael Jackson. We are joined souls in some kind of way and I will be forever grateful for the things he’s shown me and told me.

Michael, I will love u and miss u forever.